8 Tips For Managing Your Child’s Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety can be defined as child or teen (infants-17 years of age) that experience great amounts of distress when separated from a parent/caregiver that can negatively impact their basic daily functioning. Some symptoms of separation anxiety may include:

Just like many other mental health concerns, there is no single root cause for separation anxiety. There is a combination of factors that may play a role in separation anxiety such as genetics or stressful life experiences. Some children/teens may be born with more anxious temperaments than their peers or can inherit these anxious traits from their parents. Thus, it is important as parents/caregivers to not only recognize the anxious tendencies in their child/teen, but also in their own behaviors.

Additionally, children/teens who have experienced stressful situations are also more than likely to develop separation anxiety. Stressful situations may include the following:

A big part of what makes children/teens anxious when they part from their parent/caregiver is the fear that they might not see them again. Discussing plans for your return helps to ease this fear. For example, "After work, I'll come and pick you up and we can go grab ice cream together" or, "When I pick you up, we can do an activity of your choice together." Having something to look forward to can help provide a positive distraction for your child/teen and help decrease their distress.

You may try leaving your child/teen with a trusted friend or relative while you run a quick errand and see how that goes for them. This will allow your child/teen to slowly get used to what it's like to be apart from you and to be able to identify that you will return. Over time you can increase outings to see how they adjust and can even plan play dates and or sleepovers in the future.

Does your child/teen have a favorite comfort object or even a favorite toy? If not, it might be a good idea to explore some possible sensory objects with your child/teen. Examples can include, a blanket, a stuffed animal, pictures of the family, a book, squishy toy, fidget spinner, etc. A special toy or sensory object can help a child/teen to self-soothe when they are feeling distressed.

When you and your child/teen are spending time together, listen to what they have to say. It is helpful to be sure to always respond with understanding and compassion. You want to try to not minimize their worries. Minimizing worries can inadvertently increase their anxiety. It can also increase the possibility of them experiencing feelings of shame or guilt. It is helpful to be on the lookout for non-verbal cues as well, such as tantrums or extra clinginess.

If you are about to introduce a new babysitter or maybe they will have a new teacher, try to arrange some short get-togethers or meetings with the three of you before leaving your child/teen alone with him or her. This way, when the time comes that you have to leave your child/teen with them for a period of time, they won't be a stranger anymore and they will become comfortable with them. This will increase their capability for longer periods of time without you.

Saying goodbye isn't just difficult for your child/teen, it is hard for you, too! It is important that you try as best as you can to remain calm and positive when saying goodbye. You can practice this by smiling, telling your child that you will see them soon, that you love them, and that everything will be okay. It is essential that you do not prolong leaving. Prolonging leaving may be reinforcing their anxious thoughts and behaviors, as well as displaying distress that they can pick up on.

Practice consistency by maintaining the same routine each day to avoid unexpected factors whenever you can. A set routine can help diminish the distress and will allow your child/teen to simultaneously build trust in you.

You will build trust and independence as your child/teen becomes confident in their ability to be without you when you stick to your promise of return. It is beneficial to practice providing specifics of your return that your child/teen can easily understand. Maintaining your promises will help decrease anxiety in your child.

I understand how hard it is to see your child/teen cry or experience a great amount of distress. By taking the time to read this blog, speaks volumes of how attuned you are to your child's/teen's needs. If you feel like you need additional support, we at Hope For The Journey would be happy to help support you and your child to manage their anxious thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.