5 Little Known Facts About Open Adoption

Adoption wounds can be difficult to identify and hard to heal without the right support. Finding a qualified adoption specialist is extremely important.

Open adoption has been gaining popularity and frequency since the 1980's, but what is it exactly? There are so many misconceptions about adoption in general, but especially about open adoption. Here are some helpful facts about open adoption to give you a better idea about what it is all about.

The level of openness in every adoption is different…and changes over time. Some open adoptions involve regular contact (telephone calls, social media, visits, etc…) with the birth family, and some open adoptions have absolutely none. Wait. How can an adoption be open with no contact?

Some families are close. Some families are not. Sometimes you have family members that you just 'click' with more than others. Sometimes you have family members you really never see because of differing lifestyle choices or any other number of reasons. Open adoption is like that, too. Furthermore, it is not unusual for open adoptions to have long periods of no contact.

This might not feel like such an unknown fact. Many people assume adopted children are worse off than other children. I cannot tell you how many times I have had someone tell me what a 'saint' I am for adopting my 'poor children' and giving them a better life. (Please pardon me while I roll my eyes… First, I am no saint, and second, my 'poor children' were loved from the second they were conceived.) So, while it may not be breaking news that adopted children are more likely to be in therapy, it might be surprising to learn why. Overwhelmingly, it is because adopted parents are more likely to make this choice.

Do they also have negative feelings? Of course! Much has been written about the primal wound…the feeling of absence and pain that comes from an early separation from the first mother. We know that kids who have been adopted tend to struggle with identity issues and might need extra help learning to deal with their feelings, particularly as teenagers.

This was a surprising fact for me to learn. Perhaps naively, when I was first getting involved in my own open adoptions, it never occurred to me that people would make an agreement about openness and then not honor it. However, unfortunately, this does sometimes happen. So, in California, Indiana, Nebraska, Minnesota, Oregon, Washington, and New Mexico, they have written laws to help enforce open adoption agreements.

It is true that adopted teenagers tend to have an increased amount of suicidal thoughts. However, once they are adults, research shows that adopted persons are more socially successful, less likely to live in poverty, have better jobs, and more likely to have stable marriages than those raised in single-parent households.

Hope For The Journey is a counseling group outside Austin, Texas. We specialize in helping kids, adults, parents, and partners to survive and thrive after traumas, especially sexual traumas. Adoption, while at times beautiful, always carries pain and grief for all members of the triad.