Presence of Self

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the profound importance of presence of Self. Having presence means showing up in a significant way. That presence can be positive or negative. For instance, if I am critical towards myself, my presence might feel negative. If I am nurturing towards myself, it might feel comforting.

It’s important how I show up for myself. Whether it’s during sessions with clients, interactions with family and friends, or even in my own moments of introspection, the concept of presence has become a cornerstone of my approach to life and relationships.

In the context of Internal Family Systems (IFS), we refer to this presence as the “Self” with a capital S. This Self embodies qualities such as curiosity and compassion. It’s the part of us that shows up without an agenda, purely present and engaged. Tapping into this presence of Self is not always easy.

Trauma can certainly get in the way. You see, when we go through traumatic things that overwhelm us, we often protect ourselves by developing reactions and patterns of behavior that are anything but calm, compassionate, or curious. So, it can take some practice and often some help from a mental health professional in order to bring presence of Self into our daily lives. This blog (and the accompanying video) give a therapist’s experience of what it takes to let go and find presence of Self.

As a helper by nature, letting go of my agenda is one of the hardest things to do. I want to help. I have great ideas that I believe could make a difference, and I am eager to share them. However, I’ve noticed that leading with this energy often backfires. It can be off-putting and counterproductive. Instead of fostering progress, it creates resistance and disconnection.

When I consciously slow down and allow myself to embody a state of calm, curiosity, and compassion, everything changes. This shift in energy can transform a routine session into a meaningful and productive encounter. It can turn a potentially frustrating interaction with my teenagers into a moment of connection and understanding. It can mean the difference between a good date night and a bad one with my husband.

Sometimes, I need to bring this compassionate presence to myself first before I can extend it to others. This self-compassion enables me to stay grounded and fully present.

I’m curious if you have had similar experiences. How does the presence of Self with a capital S show up in your life? Have you noticed a difference when you approach interactions with this kind of energy?

I would love to hear your comments and questions about this topic. Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences.

As you go about your day, I hope you can summon your own presence of Self and bring a bit more curiosity, compassion, and calm into your interactions. Let’s do some good in the world, starting with how we show up in each moment.

Thanks for reading. I look forward to your insights and stories.