When Your Therapist Isn’t Helping: Red Flags to Watch For

Counseling can be great, but when your therapist isn’t helping, it’s important to know the signs of red flags and when to find a new therapist. Everyone says, “Go to therapy, get some help. It’ll be great.” I’m talking about mental health therapy here, since that’s what we do at Hope for the Journey. But, honestly, people say the same thing for all kinds of therapy—physical therapy, occupational therapy, seeing a psychiatrist, even just going to the doctor. But what happens when you go and it’s not working out? How do you know when it’s time to kick your provider to the curb?

How do you know when it’s time to move on because your therapist isn’t helping? In my mind, there are two big things to look out for. It might be one or the other, or it could be both, that signal it’s time to start considering whether your provider is a bad fit for you.

If you’re not seeing any progress or improvement despite sticking with the treatment plan, that’s a red flag. Therapy should help you feel like you’re taking steps forward, even if they’re small. If, after several sessions, you don’t feel any change or improvement, it might be time to reassess.

If you feel like your provider isn’t really listening to you or understanding your needs, that’s another sign. A good provider should make you feel understood and supported. This connection is crucial because the research is very clear: when you feel that connection with your provider, you get better faster.

When you go to get help from someone, you should feel like they care and truly understand you. This is not just about how it feels; it’s about effectiveness. When you feel connected to your provider, you’re more motivated, the juices get flowing, and you’re moving forward. We get momentum in our care, and it just works better.

So, if you’re not feeling it with your provider—and I’m not talking about the first 10 minutes because sometimes it takes a little bit—but if you’ve been seeing them for two, three, or four sessions and it still doesn’t feel like a good fit, then it’s time to start considering other options.

If you have any sort of trauma in your past, or if therapy just isn’t helping, it might be because there’s something stuck in the past. Sometimes, we go through life not realizing what’s holding us back.

If you’re in that situation and with a provider, even if they say they’re trauma-informed, it needs to feel that way to you. If things keep getting stirred up during your sessions and you’re not feeling better, that’s a sign something isn’t right. It’s crucial that your provider not only understands trauma but also makes you feel supported and safe while addressing it.

When you’re there, I’m not saying you should be cured in two to four sessions, but you should feel better, like things are starting to improve. You should feel like you’ve taken one step forward when you’re getting help for things. If that’s not happening, it might be a good time to start asking some questions about what “trauma-informed” really means to your provider and what training they’ve had in it. If you’re not seeing progress, it’s important to dig deeper and understand their approach.

So, what do you do when you start feeling like something isn’t quite right? The first step I would suggest is to bring it up with your provider. Sometimes, the disconnect is simply because they can’t read your mind. Lean in and allow yourself to have that uncomfortable conversation. If your provider listens, tunes in, and responds in a way that makes you feel understood and more confident, that’s fantastic.

But if they don’t, and you still feel uncomfortable or uneasy, that’s a clear sign it might be time to consider finding a new provider. Look for someone who is more trauma-informed and who can better meet your needs.

At Hope for the Journey, we believe that everyone deserves a provider who truly understands and supports them. Don’t settle for less. Your mental health and well-being are worth it.

Thanks for reading, and let’s keep the conversation going!